It's already time again for another volume of Things Teenagers Say. Either my students have been saying more interesting things lately, or I've just been better at writing them down. I'm not sure!
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Check out previous issues of Things Teenagers Say:
How am I not supposed to worry when your ones look like twos?
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Student: Mrs. Carter, can you eat butter since you're a vegan?
Me: I'm not a vegan. I'm a vegetarian.
Student: What's the difference?
Me: Vegans don't eat any eggs or dairy products. They don't even eat honey.
Student: Why?
Me: Honey comes from bees.
Student: Woah.
Me: They also don't wear leather since it comes from cows.
Student: Do they wear anything?
--
Student 1: Why do students keep saying you are pregnant?
Me: That rumor has been going around for the entire six years I have worked here.
Student 2: Yeah. Someone said it must be twins because you've been pregnant for so long.
Me: What?
Student 2: Can you believe that some students at our school think you have to be pregnant for 18 months to have twins?
--
Don't leave me with these heathens.
--
They treat us like slaves in this school. I don't come to school to be told what to do. I come to see my friends and play sports. I'm not learning anything.
--
Food and cats. Aren't those the same thing?
--
He'd never survive in a gunfight. They'd tell him to take ten paces. He would take five and turn around and shoot. Then, he'd be an outlaw.
--
Do trees shrink when they get older?
--
Student 1: Mrs. Carter, it's 12 days until our birthday!
Me: I know! I'm excited.
Student 2: You're going to have a birthday?
Me: Yes. I'll be 28.
Student 1: 28? You look like a mom!
Student 3: A cat mom.
--
Me: What do we use to measure time?
Student: A ruler.
--
What would you do if Mr. Carter ever left you? A cat would always be there for you.
--
Student 1: The cat I want is like $3000.
Student 2: Is it a tiger?
--
Student 1: We need to do the quiz on Thursday because I might not be here on Friday.
Me: Why?
Student 1: My puppy died.
Student 2: Today is Tuesday. If your puppy died, why would you be gone on Friday?
Student 1: We're going to have its funeral on Friday.
--
Me: When I was in school, I learned "My very excellent mother just served us nine pizzas" to remember the planets. But, now that Pluto is no longer a planet, I'm not sure how they are teaching it in school.
Student: Didn't Pluto get blown up?
--
Student: Mrs. Carter, do you know what the best way to eat bananas is?
Me: No.
Student: Trash.
--
One freshman student to another: You look old. You look like a grown woman. Your face looks like that of a 40 year old.
--
Student 1: Can we name the tree Bob?
Student 2: The tree can't be named Bob. We already had a problem with Bob emptying out his swimming pool.
Student 1: So why can't our tree also be named Bob?
Student 2: Trees can't empty out pools or even swim in them in the first place.
--
Student 1: We don't have school next week.
Student 2: That's how Thanksgiving Break normally works.
Student 1: Rude! What would you say if I said I was dying?
Student 2: I would say, "Of course you are dying. I can see the blood stain on the carpet."
--
Me: What is special about mapping diagrams that will help us with finding domain and range?
Student: Mapping diagrams show love to the oval shape.
--
Instead of writing "It passes the vertical line test," I'm going to write VLT-Approved.
--
One time I sneezed back in Vietnam...
--
It reeks in here. It smells like rabbit.
--
Check out previous issues of Things Teenagers Say:
How am I not supposed to worry when your ones look like twos?
--
Student: Mrs. Carter, can you eat butter since you're a vegan?
Me: I'm not a vegan. I'm a vegetarian.
Student: What's the difference?
Me: Vegans don't eat any eggs or dairy products. They don't even eat honey.
Student: Why?
Me: Honey comes from bees.
Student: Woah.
Me: They also don't wear leather since it comes from cows.
Student: Do they wear anything?
--
Student 1: Why do students keep saying you are pregnant?
Me: That rumor has been going around for the entire six years I have worked here.
Student 2: Yeah. Someone said it must be twins because you've been pregnant for so long.
Me: What?
Student 2: Can you believe that some students at our school think you have to be pregnant for 18 months to have twins?
--
Don't leave me with these heathens.
--
They treat us like slaves in this school. I don't come to school to be told what to do. I come to see my friends and play sports. I'm not learning anything.
--
Food and cats. Aren't those the same thing?
--
He'd never survive in a gunfight. They'd tell him to take ten paces. He would take five and turn around and shoot. Then, he'd be an outlaw.
--
Do trees shrink when they get older?
--
Student 1: Mrs. Carter, it's 12 days until our birthday!
Me: I know! I'm excited.
Student 2: You're going to have a birthday?
Me: Yes. I'll be 28.
Student 1: 28? You look like a mom!
Student 3: A cat mom.
--
Me: What do we use to measure time?
Student: A ruler.
--
What would you do if Mr. Carter ever left you? A cat would always be there for you.
--
Student 1: The cat I want is like $3000.
Student 2: Is it a tiger?
--
Student 1: We need to do the quiz on Thursday because I might not be here on Friday.
Me: Why?
Student 1: My puppy died.
Student 2: Today is Tuesday. If your puppy died, why would you be gone on Friday?
Student 1: We're going to have its funeral on Friday.
--
Me: When I was in school, I learned "My very excellent mother just served us nine pizzas" to remember the planets. But, now that Pluto is no longer a planet, I'm not sure how they are teaching it in school.
Student: Didn't Pluto get blown up?
--
Student: Mrs. Carter, do you know what the best way to eat bananas is?
Me: No.
Student: Trash.
--
One freshman student to another: You look old. You look like a grown woman. Your face looks like that of a 40 year old.
--
Student 1: Can we name the tree Bob?
Student 2: The tree can't be named Bob. We already had a problem with Bob emptying out his swimming pool.
Student 1: So why can't our tree also be named Bob?
Student 2: Trees can't empty out pools or even swim in them in the first place.
--
Student 1: We don't have school next week.
Student 2: That's how Thanksgiving Break normally works.
Student 1: Rude! What would you say if I said I was dying?
Student 2: I would say, "Of course you are dying. I can see the blood stain on the carpet."
--
Me: What is special about mapping diagrams that will help us with finding domain and range?
Student: Mapping diagrams show love to the oval shape.
--
Instead of writing "It passes the vertical line test," I'm going to write VLT-Approved.
--
One time I sneezed back in Vietnam...
--
It reeks in here. It smells like rabbit.
--