Previous Volumes:
Volume 1 | Volume 2 | Volume 3 | Volume 4 | Volume 5
Volume 6 | Volume 7 | Volume 8 | Volume 9 | Volume 10
Volume 11 | Volume 12 | Volume 13 | Volume 14 | Volume 15
Volume 16 | Volume 17 | Volume 18 | Volume 19 | Volume 20
Volume 21 | Volume 22 | Volume 23 | Volume 24 | Volume 25
Volume 26 | Volume 27 | Volume 28 | Volume 29 | Volume 30
Volume 31
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She's married to my ex-future-husband.
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Student: Ms. Hagan, do you get cream in your slushies at Sonic?
Me: I don't get slushies at Sonic.
Student: You haven't experienced life as life itself, then.
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My elbows sometimes look like elephant skin.
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Your hair looks like a cheerleader's pom-pom.
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Student: Ms. Hagan, this textbook is almost as old as you are.
Me: What year is it from?
Student: The first issue date was 1998.
Me: You do realize what year I was born in, right?
Student: 1989?
Me: Yeah. That's quite a bit far away from 1998.
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I don't know many old racist people. But, then again, I don't know that many old people.
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Male Student: What if you cut your cords?
Female Student: Do you mean tie your tubes?
Male Student: Oh...
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My baby's going to listen to Alice Cooper!
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Student 1: This doll has nice Barbie boobs!
Student 2: My doll has nice boobs, too!
Student 1: No, it doesn't. See my doll's boobs are shiny. Your doll's boobs are matte.
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My eye feels like glass, and I can't deal with it.
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Twitter is just for rich people.
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Student 1: Guys, I've been married 30 times.
Student 2: Did you know you can get married in each state?
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Student 1: There's a lot of product in her hair.
Student 2: Are you sure there's no quotient in her hair?
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You have selective hearing, Ms. Hagan. I used to get spankings for selective hearing.
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I'm going to go home, eat some chocolate, and shave my legs at lunch.
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Did you get your tattoo done professionally or in some alley by a guy named Berta?